Please help me :( i feel worthless?

well there is this guy ive known since 3rd grade....we never really started talking until last winter but we are VERY close now... he is my bestfriend... well i kind of developed a crush on him at the beggining when we first started talking, i told him... he didnt feel the same way and i got over it... well recently, wel were sitting on his porch and talking we thought that this was going to be the last day that we were going to see each other because he was supposed to be moving over the summer and i was going to be in another city (we live in the same naborhood) well he told me that he actually did like me when we first started talking but then stopped... so we actually did like each other at the same time... only when he stopped i didnt. well we were hugging alot that night, and when it was time to go... he leaned in to kiss me but as soon as our lips were about to touch the porch light came on and his dad came out telling him it was time for dinner... i just left. the next day we figured out that we could hang out for two more days... while we were sitting there he said "you know i think its actually gonna happen one day" i ask what and he goes "us going out" at this point my feeling are returning for him but he goes "i just dont want a summer girlfriend" well the day went on and he never tried to kiss me... when i went home and got on facebook he chatted me telling me that he isnt moving, and that he wish he would have kissed me and was reggreting not, in attempt of making a long story shorter... he kissed me the next day then i left for the other city cuz my parents have a summer buissnes thing there, then i found out ever monday and tuesday i would be coming home well last monday and tuesday we did kiss again and alot but only near the end when i was about to leave and it was kind of like a peck sort of thing, this monday (yesterday) i came back (now keep in mind that i was expecting him to ask me out when summer was over and i also forgot to mention that he said that he liked kissing me and that it felt right and that when ever he is around me he feels like he has to treat me like im his girlfriend and he also said that he doesnt really like me either he said he is confused) well anyway when i got there yesterday he shows me a picture of this girl with her boobs barally fitting in her shirt and really short shorts and he goes this girl likes me and smiles :)... he said she plays guitar and loves rock and is in a band :D <---- this is his face now (me and him are both obsessed with rock music and ive been trying to learn guitar for a while now) so i go, what your gonna ask her out? he goes i dont want a summer girlfriend... so i ask when school starts? he answers most likely... you have no idea how much it hurt when he said that i felt like he just kicked me in the stomach i wanted to cry... but i just laughed and smiled and said awww :3 good for you :] <--- me trying to fake smile. well ever since that momoent i have been feeling HORIBLE :'( ive just not been the same... even he noticed and was bugging me to tell him what was wrong.. i didnt say anything, every time i try to tell him when he hurts me it hurts him really bad because he hurt me and when i see him sad or hurt it makes me feel REALLY bad even if its net my fault, i didnt want that at the moment well this is really weird because ive never felt this bad for this long usually no matter what happens to me or no matter how bad i feel i usually get over it in at least a couple hours im VERY optimistic but i feel like crap i dont want to do anything i dont want to eat and i couldnt even sleep last night i almost cut my self ive NEVER done that or EVER thought about it i dont have anyone to talk to because the person i talk to about things like this is the person whe is causing the problem... i just dont know